Today, a student teased me for being bald. She said that the top of my head looked like a little patch of grass, which it does so I really can’t complain. My best comeback? I told her that she should never wear mom jeans again. It’s not a flattering look! Side note- shit, apparently, mom jeans are backing a comeback!

Goddamn, I hated those jeans 20 years ago and still do.

So, anyway, is it wrong for me for wanting to tell her the story of the Prophet Elisha, two She-Bears, and 42 lads from 2 Kings 2: 23-24? To summarize, butthurt Elisha got his panties in a bunch, went crying and bitching to God, then 2 she-bears mauled 42 children. From The Skeptics Annotated Bible:

Pretty fucked up, eh? In my experiences, when I mention this fucked up story to Christians, they either a) have no idea what I’m talking about b) think I made it up or c) (my favorite response) well, that’s the Old Testament- so it doesn’t count. Except when it’s the fucking Creation story, the Ten Commandments, or any crazy, sick random ass story or law that supports their personal hate or bigotry. Christians, you cannot cherry pick the best and discard the rest! Most people give me the last response.

And then there’s this guy…well, the author’s name isn’t actually attached to the article. He/She writes for Whosoever Desires and goes on to describe the She-Bears incident as a “fable, or morality tale.” It’s a fair warning to the little lads out there!

This shithead actually says, “can allow us both to have a laugh and understand something about the purpose of this story without justifying the historical Elisha for murdering children for making fun of him.” Goddamn, the cognitive dissonance is strong with this one! But, it’s such an important lesson for our children….you MUST honor, not despise, the prophets. Don’t forget to laugh!

So, that’s how mom jeans, she-bears, a smart-ass student, and a butthurt prophet came together for a laugh.