Avoidance and Procrastination

I’m almost 42 years old. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, ADHD, OCD, depression, and anxiety.  A month ago my badass therapist asked me if I had ever been given a formal psychological (or psychoeducational) evaluation. Holy shit why the fuck wasn’t I administered one over the last 20 years?! A doctor told me I had bipolar II disorder after a 2 minute discussion and gave me a script for Zoloft and Buspar. Since then I’ve been on and off pills for about 10 years and I’ve been taking my pills consistently since 2012. Last October 2016 I decided to try therapy again. My last therapist started behaving oddly after I told him I didn’t believe in God. Fucking judgmental asshole.

So back to the point of this post: I haven’t written anything since last November 2016…and there’s been a shit ton of shit to write about! This is what I do best: I procrastinate. I start but don’t finish. I take on ambitious tasks then drop them. I have also mastered the art of avoidance like no other! I once avoided checking my school email for almost 2 months, and avoided my special education coordinator during that same time. Even today I sometimes feel the urge to say “fuck it” and not check my emails daily. I don’t know what I’m worried about. I’m not expecting the most devastating news!

I will try to publish something each day, or at least write each day. It’s seriously difficult as shit to just sit down for 2 minutes and open my laptop. I’ll persevere through it. Maybe I need to drink more?  I want to write more about my so-called mental illness. Blogging about it is excellent therapy.


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